by Katherine Waters-Clark
The two little words, “We’re moving!” can stir up some very big emotions. We might be thrilled — we’ve found our “dream house,” landed the job of a lifetime in our favorite city, or finally saved enough to buy that farmhouse we’ve always loved. But it’s just as likely that we’re more than a little heartbroken – we’re empty-nesters who are downsizing , we’re relocating away from our family, we’re going through a divorce, surviving a death, or foreclosing on a house we can no longer afford.
Whatever the reason, for better or worse, last year alone, millions of Americans changed addresses. The transition has the potential to bring up a whirlwind of emotions, throwing us way off balance.
When we start to think about moving, most of us get frantically busy, arranging for moving vans, extra boxes, new paint, schools for the kids. We push away the emotional pull seeing our son’s initials carved in the backyard oak tree. We brush away tears when we drive by our favorite corner store. We convince ourselves that we’ll be FINE – once we get THE MOVE over with. Besides, we’re way too busy with the move to get all emotional. Trouble is, once the SOLD sign is in the yard, and move is underway, we and our families are just that – all emotional.
We are emotional because we are human. We are deeply connected to those initials in the tree and that corner store. This place that we’re leaving, our home, is where our daughter became an All-Star, our son kissed his future partner, our dad spent his final Thanksgiving. Leaving our home is so much more than packing up the glasses, broom-sweeping the floors, signing the papers, and handing over the keys. Our hearts and souls are buried deep within our homes.
So how do we pull up those deep roots and leave our hearts and souls intact? How do we maintain our equilibrium while handing over our home?
Perhaps if we put down the packing tape for a moment, we can gently say goodbye to our home, mourn the loss with our family, and let go before we leave.
Where to begin? These 5 “Goodbye” exercises will help. Read them over, and if one or two resonate for you, then try them. If you can, try them alone, with a close friend or partner, and with your children.
They will provide an emotional road map for the journey leading up to — and beyond — moving day. Think of them as your Emotional Action Plan for integrating the emotions and the logistics of your moving day, a “how-to” guide for acknowledging and embracing all the feelings that arise from leaving home.
1. Reflect and Remember
Spend some quiet time in each part of your home, inside and out. Try to recall 5 memories (wonderful or bittersweet) that took place in each spot — behind the garage, in the yard, in the living room. Write a journal, create a videotape, or simply say them out loud, even if you’re alone. Validate your memories – good and bad.
2. Celebrate and Mourn
Make a safe bonfire in your backyard (the barbecue grill or a candle work, too). On scraps of paper, write down 5 things that you’ve loved and hated about your house, your neighborhood, and your life in this home. One by one, toss those scraps of paper into the fire or barbecue, or burn them over the candle. If you’d like, save a copy of this list before burning. Create a saying (or blessing) to say (outloud or silently) each time a scrap of paper hits the flames. “We love you, old home!” “Goodbye, 12 River Street!” “I bless this house and I release it from my life.” “We won’t forget our home!” and so on.
3. Capture and Contain
Videotape the kids’ rooms. Take a photo journal of the walls, the curtains, and the pictures on the wall. Ask the kids to “direct” the film. Use this video to “recreate” or just remember the old room in the new house. Walk around town, school, work, and photograph the local shops, your favorite teachers, the “gang” hanging out. Make a DVD, create a photo album, or take footage of “an ordinary day” in the life of your home your town, your life here.
4. Welcome The New
Write a “welcome” letter to the new homeowners (don’t forget, they’ve just moved, too). Tell them about the secret room in the basement and the tree fort. Let them know the best grocery store, the shortcut to the ball field, the name of a good babysitter. Leave the letter for them on the counter, mail it to them the day you leave, or hide it in a secret place and wonder if they’ll ever find it!
5. Leave It Behind
Create an “Our Home” time capsule and bury it in the yard, in the wall, or in a secret place. Make sure each family member puts in something special – but not something they’ll miss having later! A note, a button from your jacket, a photo of your family, a newspaper with the date.
While some of these ceremonies will be difficult to start and get through, give yourself this very special Moving Day gift. By taking the time to say goodbye to your old home, you will clear a space in your hearts and souls for the wonderful homes and lives of your future – wherever they may be!
Your Home with Katherine Waters-Clark 